


Confusion

by Chigo



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, leopika - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-16 04:38:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11821407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chigo/pseuds/Chigo
Summary: FF written in Leorio POV...a bit of a weird night were things got out of hand way too quickly.





	1. Same as every night

**Author's Note:**

> Huhu  
> my first ff on "archive of our own"...and my first in english (I'm german). It's been 10 years since my last attempt on writing and it was fun because I tried something different. Since I love Leorio and Leopika I really enjoyed trying to figure out Leorios thoughts and weird acting on things xD  
> Not sure if I'm gonna continue after chapter 2...but here I go. Don't mind the half sentences...it's just unorganized thoughts of Leorio.

It all began 3 years ago at the Hunter Exam. I met the most important people in my life. Gon. Killua.  
And Kurapika. 

When I look back at it now the Exam was the best choice I made so far, wasn't it?  
Back then everything was fine. And happy. And without the mess the four of us are in right now.

The last person I heard from was Killua. He told me about how he and Alluka and Nanika make up for the time they missed. But. I can clearly tell he's missing Gon. More than everything in this world. And so do I.  
And Kurapika.

I've seen Gon 3 months ago when he visited me at the hospital. He told me how he checked all this awesome places and that he want to show them to Killua. Somehow I feel that he doesn't want to interfere with the Zoldick siblings. Although Killua or Alluka or Nanika wouldn't mind. That's at least how I feel about it.

About Kurapika.  
I don't know much about what's going on right now. Or the past weeks. Or months. Actually. After what happend back in York New. I'm not sure if I ever knew what was going on in his life.  
Whenever I think about him I get this heavy feeling of helplessness. Something that gets me out of my bed every night. Same with tonight.

So I swing my legs out of my bed. Out of this way too small room. Apartment. Out into the streets. Where I can calm down. It's already cold outside. Last week it was hot and sunny outside until the late evening. The darkness comes sooner and sooner. I smile when I think about my childish and melancholy way of describing the simple fact. Well it's autumm, stupid. Of course it's getting colder. That's what happends every year.

The same street. There is the old tree on the left side. Is it an oak tree? Does oak trees grow around this area? When I turn right I see the supermarket. It's still open. Like always. I decide against a midnight snack this time and walk past the store. It's the same route every evening. As I walk past the store I feel the assistant's stare on my back. Yup. Same procedure as every night. Stop pitying me. It's not me who has this huge problems. I sign in annoyance.

Another turn after the traffic light. And I stop.

"Kurapika?"

I'm not sure if it's me or if he's really standing - walking - crying there. Wait he's crying? "Oi. Are you okay?" I could punch myself for this stupid question. He's obviously not okay.  
He doesn't lift his head when he looks back at me. His eyes look tired. Sleepless. He reminds me of my own helplessness right now.

I don't know what to do. Or to say. So I just grab his shoulders carefully. And now? I still don't know what to do. Kurapika doesn't step back or push my hands away. He walks a step forward instead and his head falls on my chest. A few strands of hair cover his face.

I need a few seconds to realize what happend.  
In every other moment I probably would have made a joke. Being happy that my friend searchs for my advice.  
But.  
This was another level.  
Uncomfortable silence.  
And the painful awereness something happend. Something that put Kurapika into a state were he's no longer himself. Something that made him call out for others. It's scary. My head runs every scenario. Than it's over. I lift my hands from his shoulders and wrap them gently around his small figure. Was his always this fragile? I never hugged him like this before. His body feels nice. But the heavy feeling ruins every chance for comfort.

"Do you mind staying at my place tonight?"  
It's like someone else asked this question because my own mind is not able to make a reasonable decision. Or ask questions. There is no answer from him. I should have known that much. So I take him with me to my place.

"You're cold. Do you want to take a shower? Or a bath?"

His eyes stare at me. His lips are shaking. But no answer. Should I put him in the bathroom and let him handle himself? Or should I undress him and bath him? The longer I look at him the more I realize that he's not capable of taking care of himself right now. The fact that he didn't protest against being alone in my apartment with me after he made a big deal about sharing a hotel room at the hunter exam proves it.

I take a careful step forward. Maybe he's going to run away. "Is it okay if I undress you?" I lift my hands slowly giving him enough time to decide before I touch him. Before I reach his shirt I see him closing his eyes. Does this mean...?  
Carefully my hands go lower to grab the hem of his shirt. I wait before I lift it slowly. No objection. I swallow. Exhausted he raises his arms. They fall back in place as soon as the fabric leaves his skin.

I notice I never saw him topless. He's thin. And small. But I can clearly see the muscles under his pale skin. And I know. He's much stronger than what you would expect from his figure. Just not now. His eyes are still closed. It's as if standing alone takes unbelievable strength from his body.  
"You mind?" I don't remember when my hands wandered to his waist. But they're did and now they searching for the belt. I stop. Watching Kurapika as he slowly opens his eyes. Looking at the floor next to our feet. I probably crossed the line here.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.." I try to explain that I wasn't planning something weird. But when I look at my hands. Maybe I was. I close my eyes and regain my control back. I grab his shoulders and cautiously sit him on my bed. "I'm gonna prepare the bath..." I suppress the question if he's okay alone. Because I know he's not. But I'm not sure if it's better when I'm next to him. No answer. He just closes his eyes again.

I step out of my room and head for the bathroom, when I hear a quiet sound. I don't need to check. Kurapika probably layed down in my bed. No wonder. The water starts running as I notice that the tube is big enough for the two of us. If I hold him in my arms and he would lay on top of me. My thoughts come to a dead stop when I think about what just happend. How can one person be so distracted with perverted thoughts while the other suffers so much. A second time I feel the urge to hurt myself. I sign and stand up to get back to the bedroom. The sound was indeed Kurapika who half lays in my bed. Feet still on the ground. His eyes are half-open as he stares into the distance.  
What the hell happend?!

"I think the bath is ready" I start but there's still no reaction. As I step forward he lifts himself up from the bed and walks towards me. He lifts his hands to grab my shirt. Still not looking at me he says something for the first time this night. "Don't do anything stupid!" His voice is quiet but I can feel how the heavy feeling dissapears. Or at least gets way weaker. I smile sheepishly and sign. "Don't worry!"

I take his hands and lead him to the bathroom. While my perveted thoughts disappear I remember that it's been quiet a while that I've taken a bath. The air in the bathroom is a bit foggy and comfortably warm. I stop and look at him. He's looking back. A bit tired but not as absend as all the time before. He's really looking at me. I close my eyes and smile.

When I hear something rustle I open my eyes again and see him stepping out of his pants. "Kurapika?" This is a bit weird. Sure I know bathing together means being naked. But. Somehow. The thought of Kurapika being naked is a bit more than I can handle. He looks at me confused.

I cover my mouth so he cannot see my whole face. "You seem to be...better." I don't know. The situation just got heavy again. Different weight. I feel my face heating up. No. No. No. No.  
"So?" Kurapikas words stop my paniced mind. "Eh?" What does he mean...than I remember that it was me who started this conversation. "Ah!...I mean. Maybe you want me to leave and take a bath." I can't believe I said that. "Sure."

I'm so stupid. Here goes my one and possibly only chance to bath with him. How can I be so stupid? I sign in frustrating and let my upper body drop on the table. Since I'm in the kitchen I could cook something. I'm sure he hasn't eaten proberly. I open the fridge. Not much but I should be able to create dinner. Maybe...

I don't know how much time past. But I'm almost done with the mid-midnight snack when I hear a sign behind me. I give him a questioning stare and notice that his eyes are clear as they used to be. He got a bit of an annoyed look on his face. My stomach jumps. Could it be? "How are you?"

"Better." He sits down at the table and looks at me expectantly. I'm still a bit stunned. He was so down and out of it. And now he's not only back to the old bold Kurapika furthermore he's not even running like he used to. I'm shaking my head lighty. "Are you hungry?" "Very." I stop my movement. This is really strange...

Since when is Kurapika so open towards me. Or anyone. A bit confused I serve dinner and we eat. 

There's not much conversation between us while eating. But I know he wouldn't answer my questions. A forced talk would ruin the atmosphere. If there is atmosphere that is. I look up at him and notice that he has stopped eating. "Don't worry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want. And I won't ask. Just calm down." He looks at me in disbelieve and nods slowly. "You can have the bed. I sleep on the floor." I can tell that he wants to protest but then decides against it and nods again. Then he continues eating.

"Are you sure you don't mind sleeping on the floor?" I look at him puzzled then shake my head smiling. "Don't worry!" I take my second set of bedding out of the closet and lay it on the floor next to my bed. "My bed is too small for two people...and I don't want anyone to sleep on the floor at my place." I know he's watching my every movement so I look up -back at him- when I'm done. The clothes I gave him after the bath really suit him. My shirt is way too big and so are my shorts. But on his small frame it looks really nice. He wraps his arms around his body and I noticed I might have stared a bit too obvious. "Sorry. We should sleep now" With these words he crawls inside my bed. A pretty nice sight I've got to admit. I lay down in my own bedding.

I cannot sleep.


	2. Rush Rush, baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rush, Rush...just a quick night~~~

There are a few cracks on the ceiling I never noticed before. And a spider in the corner. I inhale deeply. And Kurapika in my bed.

I hear a steady breathing sound from where he lays. Not making me any less nervous...

Don't know how long I've been watching the spider creating a net. Then I hear a quiet cry from the bed. Immedietly I sat up to check on him. He's shaking. "Kura..." I reach out to wake him up when he jumps away towards the wall. 

I see red eyes. No. Scarlet eyes. He's staring at me. No. Not me. But.  
"Hey" I weakly try to losen the tension. "Don't come closer." His words are cold and full of hatred. I cannot believe he's really Kurapika. "Hey." I repeat my words once more. "It's me..." I notice that he jumped out of the blanket. "Hold still." I tell him and reach for my blanket. He's watching my every action with a constant stare. Slowly I bring the blanket closer to him. "I won't do anything strange. Please." I carefully lay the blanket over his shoulders and notice how stiff his whole body gets. He's staring concentraded to an unknown point beside me. "Kurapika..." He begins to shake and close his eyes. "Leorio...I..."

I gently drag him towards me and although I feel him tension up he let me. I caress his hair when he's in my arms. He's forcing himself to lean into me. But it still nice to know that he's trying to open up a bit. My left hand lays on his back and moves up and down to caress the tension away. Kurapika signs. I open my eyes which I cannot remember to have closed. His hands are holding on to my shirt and his head rest just above them on my chest. I'm sure he must hear my every heartbeat.

It seems like he calmed down a bit. His breathing is steady but still a bit fast. When I look down to catch a view of his face I notice that he has his eyes closed. Beautiful. Gorgeous. I think I forgot I need air to survive for a second. When I hastily breath in my chest rises. Kurapika opends his eyes and looks at me questioning. "Ah...Air..." I stumble. Now that his blue eyes look up at me I'm sure my face is all red again. "You're weird, Leorio." It was probably an insult. But my insides jumps every time he says my name this night. I haven't seen him for so long. And now being this close to him. "Very weird, hm?!" I close my eyes ones more.

"Leorio?" I open my eyes a bit to see him. "Why is it you?" "Hmm?" I don't understand. What is it about me? "You're always...there." He seems to search for the right words. A rare enough sight. "Is that bad?" I don't know what he's getting at. "Are you this nice to everyone?" "No!" My voice is clear and without a doubt. The fast answer makes him look at me in confusion. "Eh...what?" "No!" I repeat. "But...why?...Are you pitying me?" "No!" I'm feeling a bit stupid to only answer with the same 2 letters over and over again. "You're important to me. Special." I decide to not wait for another question. It's embaressing and he might run away. But...

He's not running. "You're very...very weird, Leorio." There. Everything inside me jumps again. "Aren't you more into woman?" I'm sure I'm blushing like crazy. This is uncomfortable. And my hearts beats so fast that it hurts already. "Yeah..." I'm feeling a bit sick. This is it. It works out or Kurapika leaves any second. "So?" I want to hear. What does he think? Feel? "What?" His matter-of-fact look really pisses me of right now. Dammit Kurapika! "What about you?" My face must look hilarious but he keeps a straight face. "About me? I'm not that interested in woman?" My heartbeat must be visible on my chest. "I actually never really thought about anything romantically." My heart drops. "Eh?"

He draws back a bit. "I just never thought about it...that's all." My hands grabs his shoulders and I bring my face closer to him. "Then... how about now?" His eyes are wide open and look directly into mine. "I...what....Leo-...I don't..." His eyes search for help. It must be rare for him not to know how to handle a situation. "Hey...do you mind if I do something weird?" I'm getting closer and closer to his face and even he should know now what I'm aiming for. "No." I stop. He's closing his eyes. "I don't mind." Really?! Is this happening? My lips are shaking...so are my hands...but just a bit. I look at his partly open lips and the closer I get the more difficult it is to see them. I can feel his warmth on my face. His breath on my lips. In the last second I close my eyes. Then his soft skin on my lips. My hands wander from his shoulders to hug him closer. I feel a light preassure on my lips. My heart runs wild. He's even returning the kiss.

He's stopping the kiss and turns his face a bit to make it obvious that he has enough. "Ku-?" "You're crazy." He looks confused. And hurt. But mostly confused. "What are you doing with me?" "I'm kissing you!" I'm serious. But he looks at me like I made fun of him. "That's not what I mean!" His voice is getting louder. My hands grab his face and pulls him into another kiss. Less shy now. I can tell he's not going to run. His hands search hold at my chest. Again. He's returning the kiss. I knew it. Again and again. My lips caress his and vice versa. He's hungry. Like me. Out of breath we break the kiss. He's looking at me angry. But I don't mind. I know he doesn't mean it. My hand stroke his cheek. Over his lips. I swallow. Again the urge to taste this lips.

"How dare you!" "Don't be shy. You like it!" He looks at me in shock. I go for another kiss. Not his lips. His pale neck looked delicious. So I go for another snack. He raises his shoulders to avoid my lips. But not his hands. A small sign. He's sensitive. My hands search for his. Our fingers interwine. When I open my eyes I can see his soft features. Even though his body remains tensed up his face is relaxed. When he notice my stare he opens his eyes.

My smile must have confused him. "Leorio?" "Hmm?" "Stop making such a stupid face" "Ooooh...Come on." How can he still be so cruel. He is such a mean boy. I smile again and come closer to his ear. His face has become really hot. "Kurapika..." He tenses up again. "Do you mind if I sleep next to you?" A weak laugh. "What will happen if I say 'yes'?"

I pull him closer and let us fall into my pillow. "Then I'm going to keep you in my arms all night long!" Kurapika seems to be suprised. Then he chuckles. "Very well then." He moves a bit and lets his head rest on my chest. "Senritsu was right" I look at him. "What?" "She told me that you have a very calming heartbeat." That heartbeat probably got a lot faster now. My right hand wander over his back and stroke a few strands of his hair. I give him a small kiss on his head before my hand moves back. "Kurapika..." I whisper softly. No reaction. Just his steady and calm breathing. He fell asleep again. 

"Very well then"


End file.
